It’s been days since I needed to write this article, but everytime I stop to think and ask myself why I should do this. Today I found the will and time. And I need to make this clear, once and for all.
BDSM is an acronym of American origins, that gathers in itself a world of practises, thoughts and schools of thought. Unfortunately this, in the collective imagination is mostly seen as violence. And I’m pretty pissed off and disappointed by this.
The philosophy of BDSM is the SSC, as in SAFE SAFE CONSENSUAL, but despite that it’s still considered a cruel act created only to hurt.
This thought, NECESSARY as there’s not just the pleasure of using a whip or to “hit” someone, but generally to understand whether it’s consensual and most importantly SAFE!
It often happens to me to surf the web and get into chats or topic groups where they talk about OWNERS and MASTERS with no care where they give rules, with no belonging nor trust, the squeeze their slaves to find their own personal pleasure. There’s none of it if you don’t create it! There’s no reason behind using your “owner” talent if when your job’s done, your slave runs away and doesn’t want anything to do with you or the BDSM world anymore. You did something wrong, for sure!
When I talk about slaves and subs, I always pay attention to what I say.
The sub or slave needs to be “cuddled” and “loved”, “understood” and granted her deepest wishes and taken beyond her physical and psychic limits.
A used slave, one that doesn’t get cuddled of followed, will run away or she will not want anything to do with this world, or even worse, she’ll be devastated by the idea of having to do with men.
“MY DOM USED TO PUNISH ME FOR MY PERSONALITY”, this is a recurring sentence and it’s pretty annoying. Not for the meaning itself, but for a reason of mutual respect! I find it quite stupid that a sub needs to be continuously scolded for her behavior or her attitude.
On the long run it gets boring and counterproductive!
“MY DOM ASKED ME EVERYDAY TO TAKE PICTURES OF MY PRIVATE PARTS”. I wouldn’t even talk about this. A sentence I read on the profile of a sub said IF YOU PUT YOUR HANDS ON A WOMAN’S BRAIN, YOU’VE ALREADY PUT YOUR HANDS EVERYWHERE. I think there’s no better phrase to make DROOLING-MASTERS or FAKE-MASTERS that in BDSM the first thing is the brain. There’s no domination without putting a leash to the mind. And sometimes even the heart.
“MY DOM MADE ME HOOK UP WITH OTHER MEN”. My question is… Did you want it? Often the answer is: “NO!”. And here we’re opening a big parenthesis. The sub or slave, once you gift her your time, still remains a human being. There is no other way to define her. You don’t have a slave you can use like in a porn, where you can show off your trophy. To who, then? If you wanted it, then, well, maybe you don’t need a dom. Especially if this becomes a regular thing.
“WHY DO I HAVE TO SEND YOU A PICTURE OR SHOW MYSELF?”. This is a verified thing and it’s pretty annoying, like a cat hanging on your balls. When you start a virtual thing based of phone domination, for distance reasons, there are smartphones. When you’re dealing with a DOM with a certain experience, even to be able to play with your mind, they need to know how you look, I, in particular, Need a voice/video contact. If I don’t look into my sub’s eyes, she remains a stranger.
So with me, YOU’RE NOT PLAYING.
“I DON’T LIKE THE RULES YOU GAVE ME”. This is very funny statement. Why starting a game with no rules?
Why would I have to leave my things to give you my time if you don’t wanna follow a logic? We can change them, nobody ever denied this, but there’s no game with no rules. If you want a DOM without any rule, go somewhere else.
“I’D LIKE TO TRY SOMETHING EXTREME BUT I’VE NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE”. These are the aspiring subs that get here after watching 50 shades and read books about this “presumed BDSM”. Usually the extreme is associated with spanking or humiliation. Fine, let’s bust this myth. Spanking done to leave marks is extreme, but if I start hurting we’re not doing BDSM! There are steps to make, let’s respect them!
I only gathered up a few informations and some thoughts, but I was just to vent about this much ignorance and stupid associations related to my world.
One last thing. It seems like a sentence said just to say something, but I live my live (even matrimonial) in relation to BDSM. There’s not one thing I do during the day that isn’t related to BDSM! So, if I give my time, I’d like to have the same in return.
“NOT EVEN THE DOG WAGS ITS TAIL FOR NOTHING”.
Open up the gates… I accept criticism!
Hot kisses ♥